How Can The Same Shit Meet The Same Pants Twice!?!

Let's get the obvious out of the way right away. Not everybody likes the current trend in hand-held, found-footage movies. Whether it's Cloverfield, The Blair Witch Project, Diary Of The Dead or last year's breakout hit Paranormal Activity... audiences either love 'em or hate 'em. The same will apply to this year's sequel Paranormal Activity 2 which tells the story of a similar family, in a similar house, in a similar way. In short, if you didn't like the first one then there's nothing to see hear.

If, on the other hand, you though the original was a lesson in sustained tension, shock scares...all based on our primal fears of darkness and things that go bump in the night...the follow up is a corker. On a sheer technical level it matches the original for atmosphere, buttock clenching set-pieces and jump-out-of-your seat shock moments (there's one particular moment when the audience I saw it with collectively soiled themselves...me included). And on a story level too, it succeeds. It does exactly what a good sequel should; give you enough of the original in story and structure...but provide enough new situations, information, settings and characters for it to feel fresh. Focusing on the (mentioned but not seen) sister of Katie Featherston's heroine from the original, the writers skillfully expand the mythology of this movie franchise while carefully entwining it with the narrative of the first film (much like Saw 2 or Back To The Future 2 did).

The result is an effective horror experience that has you gripping your seat waiting for the next scare. If there's a criticism then it's the husband character who has CCTV camers all over his house but refuses to look at them (but, to be fair, this plot point is paid off later). A great film then...but I think they should stop here before getting into Saw territory and destroying all good will these films have.

30 Days Of Direct To DVD Dark Days

I was quite sad when the comic book adaptation 30 Days Of Night didn't make much cash at the box office, despite it being a bloody good vampire movie. I love the series of graphic novels created by Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith, and had hope that the sequel stories would be filmed as well. Well, lack of income didn't stop them as the second story, Dark Days, has been produced and released. Only, this time, it's on a much reduced budget and dumped straight on to DVD.

That smaller spend has meant that Melissa George, soul survivor of the first movie, isn't affordable to this effort. Putting in a decent turn as her replacement is A Perfect Getaway actress Kiele Sanchez who plays the long suffering Stella, out for vengeance on the streets of L.A. Lacking the high concept plot, the ghoulish ferocity and the slow burn atmospherics of the original, Dark Days is a disposable vampire thriller for the ZoneHorror TV channel. The cast are fine and the production is adequate but it's connection to the first film is the only reason to watch this auto-pilot directed scarefest. take away that connection and I'm not sure you'd take this off the shelf at Blockbuster.

Breaking News: The Wit Of Willis Captured On Film

RED, the new comedy thriller starring Bruce Willis, is the forth movie this year to feature a disgraced mercenary unit out to clear their name (following The A-Team, The Expendables and The Losers). While it might not be that original...it is pretty good fun. You know it's fun 'cause Bruce Willis is having fun. And not that Cop Out or The Whole None Yards kind of (phoning it in) fun. No Bruce is charming, quirky, inspired and comically charismatic in RED, and that's always worth watching.

The cast, including Morgan Freeman are all solid, but thankfully for us there's some surprises. John Malkovich steals the show as a paranoid ex-CIA operative that was force-fed too much LSD, Mary Louise-Parker is engagingly scatty as the group's outsider, Karl Urban kicks arse as the bloke hunting them down while Richard Dreyfus, Ernest Borgnine (yes, he's still working!), Brian Cox and James Remar have cool cameos.

Director Robert (Flightplan) Schwentke instils an offbeat Oceans Eleven vibe that provides some smirksome humour...plus it has a John Landis sensibility on occasion with some subtle, well timed gags in amongst the mayhem. Less an action movie, more a comedy, wrapped in thriller's clothing...RED is to be recommended. The penultimate act is a little slow and serious and the tone isn't as consistent as Soderberg's caper trilogy, but it's a step up in terms of wit and intelligence from The A-Team movie.

Carry On Al-Qaeda

Comedian/ director Chris Morris carries on his tradition of controversial political and social satire, this time on the big screen, with Four Lions. This follows a group of British Muslim extremist wannabes as they pursue their goals to become suicide bombers.
It's played dead straight, allowing the absurdities of the characters and their decision supply the laughs. There a few guffaws to be had from the groups attempts to work with various explosive devices, with fellow trainees and innocent animals getting the brunt of it (there's nothing quite like the laugh you get from an exploding animal.) The satire isn't just directed at the extremist wannabes either, with the media and police getting some stick too (the "wookie" gag is a standout).

As expected, Morris doesn't shy away from the darker side of terrorism showing the lads implementing their plan and taking casualties in the process...even if it isn't quite what they had in mind. The group themselves are a misguided bunch who want to be suicide bombers for various reasons; one because he's anti-establishment and egotistical, another because he hasn't thought through the illogical morality of his dream, another because it's 'cool' and another because he's too lazy to think for himself, letting his brother 'tell' him what to do.

Not a shocking film, but sad. Sad that our society has idiots like this in it. Well, at least we can laugh at them.

"Ferris Bueller, You're My Hero"

It takes a lot for a comedy movie to impress me. I don't go and see comedy movies at the cinema much anymore, preferring to wait until a home video release or TV broadcast. And then the poor thing's gotta stand the test of time. For example, although they're quite similar in their subject matter, Kevin Smith movies age well...Judd Apatow movies do not. So those comedies that have stayed with me for decades are worthy of lifetime achievement awards just for enduring and staying fresh and funny.

One of those few comedies is John Hughes' classic Ferris Bueller's Day Off. It stars a youthful Matthew Brodrick (before years of marriage to Horseface have taken their toll) who plays the title character; a high school teen who bunks off school with his best chum and girlfriend. Of course, like The Shawshank Redemption, the film's not really about the main guy, but rather his close friend who looks upon his mate in awe; in this case it's Alan Ruck's (who plays Cameron) story. Ferris doesn't really have a character arc. Rather he's the life and soul of the party that affects change in those around him; primarily Cameron and his spiteful sister Jennifer Grey.

It's the sharply defined character's attitudes, the wicked comic timing, the well observed send up of school life and the often surreal humorous interludes which interupt the story which makes this such a joy. The film's many demands are juggled expertly by Hughes...keeping it sweet and serious for more dramatic moments, large and epic for others (the carnival rendition of Twist and Shout is life affirming) while the comedy is often played like a Warner Brothers cartoon...bulging eyes accompanied with a shrieking orchestra. Moments that still shine today include the most boring teacher on Earth, Charlie Sheen's cameo, the nurse-o-gram, Ferris's keyboard samples and frantic race to get home first.

Stealing the show is Jeffery Jones, a gifted and subtle comedy actor, playing the headmaster, Principal Ed Rooney. Every scene he's in, whether it's with his secretary and comedy sidekick Grace (Edie McClurg) or facing an enraged rottweiler, Joneses animated face and sublime comic sensibilities rule. I watched Ferris with my teen nephew and he loved it...well who at that age wouldn't. Cherish those classic comedies people. Cherish them because there aren't that many of them around; never were, never will be....unless you love Meet The Spartans, in which case every comedy movie is a classic comedy movie...

Rose Will Blow You (Away)

God bless Robert Rodriguez. There aren't many A-list directors that are as dedicate to pulp, schlock entertainment like he is. From Dusk Til Dawn, Machete, Desperado and Sin City...if there's over-the-top, logic suspending, Mexploitation action bullshit to be had, Rodriguez won't be far away. Planet Terror formed the first segment of the failed box office experiment Grindhouse, but it's much like the director's other efforts in many ways.

There's the large ensemble of talented character actors (or has beens) playing larger than life weirdos (Bruce Willis, Naveen Andrews, Michael Biehn, Jeff Fahey, Josh Brolin...oh and of course Quentin), there's your striking leading lady, Rose McGowen(sassy, old school Hollywood brawn and beauty), and your Latino anti-hero, Freddy Rodriguez. There's the convoluted plot woven around a straightforward premise, the self styled score, the mature (adults only) off-kilter dialogue. And the memorable moments that litter the movie that stay with you forever; the fate of Marley Shelton's son, exploding heads, Quentin's toxic dick, the missing reel, Naveen's eyeball collection and, the icing on the cake, Rose's machine gun leg. Pure genius.

Just like Machete this year, there isn't a big market for z-list, dumb action movies like this as the box office results will testify. But as long as Rodriguez can keep pumping them out on the necessary low budgets with the high volumes of unrestrained fun that Planet Terror has, then we're looking at A-list entertainment for many years to come. I just wish he'd stop making those bloody kids films...

I Tawt I Taw A Putty Tat

OK, here's a really, really stupid premise. A young woman and her young brother are trapped inside their house with a tiger. Yep, you read that right, a freakin' tiger. That's the plot of direct to DVD thriller Burning Bright starring Briana (Step Up 2) Evigan. Of course the script writers could just leave it like that so they added some ingredients to spice things up and to help make that ridiculous premise make sense. So we get an evil stepfather (to place the hungry critter in the house), a hurricane outside (giving an excuse for the house to be boarded up), and an autistic brother for our heroine (so they can keep getting into needless encounters with the large kitty.)

Despite such a daft set up, it's executed with an understanding of dramatic tension and the leads do well to convey terror when confronted with an actual, living and breathing wild cat (instead of a shit CGI one). Ignore the bollocks family theatrics and just sit back and enjoy the game of cat and mouse (sorry that's cat and autistic kid). It's not terrible and it holds your attention, and sometimes, that's all you want from a direct to DVD feature film.