The Early Bird Catches The (Sand) Worm

Despite it being slagged off as an epic folly, I'm rather fond of the 1984 David Lynch adaptation of Frank Herbert's Dune, even though a lot of the criticism is true. Yes it has some shoddy effects work, despite it having a budget of $40 million (on of the biggest spends of all time in 1984 money), yes the story seems crammed and rushed (having to condense the huge novel into just over 2 hours and yes, it is a pretentious load of twaddle with little emotional depth.

But, by Zeus, does it look good. The lavish, intricate set designs are perhaps the best committed to film, the model work rich, detailed and original and Bob Ringwoods costume design a brilliant blending of far future sci-fi and medieval opulence. The casting is inspired from Freddie Jones, Jurgan Prochnow, sultry Francesca Annis, mad Brad Dourif, cackling Kennetyh MacMillan, theatrical Patrick Stewart, coniving Dean Stockwell and refined Max Von Sydow. Only Sean Young and Sting let the side down by doing their tree impressions. Kyle MacLachlan impresses as the Duke's son turn messiah in what is another reworking of the classic hero myth.

Much of the book's ultra-futuristic language survived the adaptation (Bene Gesserit / The art of canly) as does a lot of the subtext about religion, oil, politics and other sociological issues making Dune a film that's never dull.
It might be a bit full of itself for a mass audience, and a bit ponderous and talky for a modern crowd, but I still prefer this version over the 2000 mini series (and that's even with Toto's corny, guitar laden score!)

Michael Crichton's Balls

I was really pleased back in 1998 when it was announced that the Michael Crichton novel Sphere was being filmed as it's my favorite of his large catalogue of science fiction stories. In films Crichton had been a player since the 70's (Westworld / Coma) and 80's (Looker / Runaway) but it wasn't until 1993's Jurassic Park that the rights to his work were heavily in demand. Sphere was greenlit on the back of hits like The Lost World, Disclosure, Twister, Rising Sun, Congo and of course the long running TV series E.R. but it ranks alongside Timeline and The 13th Warrior as adaptations that don't quite work.

I like Sphere as it's a very hard sci-fi story. It all takes place within a high tech research station at the bottom of the ocean and less interesting topics like biology and family are replaced by maths, astrophysics and smart scientists talking smart things. No namby pamby, tree hugging crap here. It's also a great mystery which is gradually unwrapped like the layers of an onion; just as you think you've got a grasp of what's going on a revelation makes you reassess. I also love the way that a topic like magic is juxtaposed through the eyes and experience of scientists, much like Carpenter Did with Prince Of Darkness a decade earlier.

The cast are top of the line with Dustin Hoffman Sam Jackson and Sharon Stone getting great support from Liev Schrieber and Peter Coyote...all argumentative and slightly arrogant ensuring the group interactions are never dull. The effects are pretty good, the score evokes the feeling of a classic monster movie and the photography and set design as as good as you'd expect from the likes of masters Adan Greenberg and Norman Reynolds respectively. If there's a weak link it's director Barry 'Rain Man' Levinson who doesn't successfully translate the scientific concepts cinematically, or structure the story in a way that makes the revelations more astounding.

A solid movie that you can't help but thing could be better with a different man at the helm.

La Space Orb De Rouge

Quite often, completely separate creative entities in Hollywood will suddenly decide to develop stories revolving around the same subject matter...all at the same time. In most cases the least advanced of the competing movies will wither away and die leaving the fastest film to begin shooting all alone to get a cinema release (as happened the Alexander The Great scripts a few years ago). In some cases the studios move forward with competing projects like the Robin Hood films, body-swap pictures and deep sea monster movies at the end of the 80's. In 2000, the planet Mars was all the rage and three projects raced to the screen to capture audiences imaginations, including Brian De Palma's Mission To Mars and John Carpenter's Ghost's Of Mars. In the end it was the least likely of the three, Antony Hoffman's Red Planet which arguably was the best film.

While Red Planet has the lofty framework of interplanetary colonisation, it's basically a dumbed down action film, hardly surprising when it comes from the writer of Hard Target, Barb Wire and Navy Seals. Take one Mars mission, add everything that could go wrong including solar flares, lack of oxygen, a paranoid killer, a lethal malfunctioning robot, killer alien bugs and a good ol' fashioned ticking clock and you've got the basis for bullshit in spacesuits.

The small cast (Terrance Stamp, Tom Sizemore, Carrie Anne-Moss, Benjamin Bratt) are strong, apart from Val Kilmer in the lead who's practically comatose, the photography and production design high-tech and stunning and the effects middling...which can be said of the direction too. A great looking film that's about as empty as the vacuum the red planet inhabits.

Sardo Numsie Meets The Golden Movie Star

In 1986 there were two competing movies that featured unsuspecting American heroes becoming embroiled in the world of Chinese black magic and mysticism. One was John Carpenter's Big Trouble in Little China which flopped dramatically upon it's release, while the other The Golden Child starring Eddie Murphy (who could do no wrong at the box office at the time) made stacks of cash. At the time I agreed with the masses.

It's easy to see why. Director Michael Richie merged the popular, wisecracking Eddie Murphy person and transplanted it into a adventure quest, with romance, special effects, action and culture clash comedy. It's light, breezy, fun and amusing and exactly the sort of thing a mass audience will fall for if it stars the biggest movie star in the world.

Amongst its shortcomings are a cheap visual look, some static direction, some rough effects (let's not forget ILM had a complacent rough spot from '86 to '89), a wooden leading lady in Charlotte Lewis (but, dear lord, is she attractive)and a story that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. But this is a film which is a star vehicle for Eddie Murphy, and no matter what you say about the guy...he's a damn funny man when embracing his cheeky, forthright youth persona. The ad-libs, the one-liners, and the double act routine with straight man (and suave villain) Charles Dance are hilarious.

Still, despite the laughs, after a few months I wound up deciphering the appeal of John Carpenter films and getting seduced by the offbeat wit of Big Trouble's script, characters, sound and look. And I've never looked back.

Mummy Gets It Right The Second Time

There are a handful of big blockbuster films that, technically, I should like...but don't. When I technically, I mean just that. When it comes to $100 summer blockbusters, I don't mind saying that I can turn my brain off and admire a film simply for it's visual effects, epic locations and action sequences. That's why I feel I ought to be showing a little bit of love towards Van Helsing, Godzilla, Licence To Kill, Pearl Harbour and Dick Tracy....but I don't. I hate them.
Same can be said of Stephen Sommer's megahit The Mummy. I ought to like it for lavishly shot desert locations, inventive action and tongue in cheek characters. But The Mummy just bores the shit out of me every time I try and watch it.

Still, I went to see The Mummy Returns two years later never the less, and was pleasantly surprised when I came out on a high. The Mummy movies will never reach the level of wit, excitement and sophistication that the Indiana Jones movies attained, but the sequel was something that definitely but a big grin on my face. I think it helped that everything is bigger and better in the follow up like the action sequences (the London bus chase is superb), the score (who'd have though Alan Silvestri could out-composed Jerry Goldsmith), the silly gags, the family at stake, the globetrotting locals, the glimpses into the past and the mesmerising girl fights between the lovely Rachel Weisz and the exotic Patricia Velasquez.

It's all very silly (zombie Pygmy warriors!) and Sommers penchant for cartoony special effects gets even worse here (tacky dog-headed warriors / the Scorpion King's plastic face) but at least this instalment has some real, genuine energy behind it that allows me to give a monkeys.

Bit Of Raspberry Jam Back There!!!

There's not many movies than can admit to having a truly great, exhilarating car chase. Bullitt, The French Connection, Mad Max 2, The Bourne Supremacy (and a handful more)...there's not many, but John Frankenheimer's 1998 thriller Ronin can proudly claim three, through the towns, cities and countryside of France. Great choreography with the vehicles, a great mix of mastershots to establish geography of the chases, close ups of the cars tearing through narrow streets at 100mph and some classic ,old fashioned, brutal stuntwork means that Ronin stands high above most thrillers...and that's before you introduce little things like story and characters.

Ronin follows a small, highly trained team of independent contractors who are hired to obtain a mysterious briefcase for their Irish employers. Like Pulp Fiction, the content of the case is unimportant, as the film focuses on the code of conduct, values and friendships in the intelligence community...even for those working outside of government authority. Despite it having a late 60's, early 70's look and feel Ronin feels fresh thanks to the high quality of everything in it from the script, direction and the magnificent ensemble cast including an on-fire DeNiro, Jean Reno, devious Stellan Skarsgard, aloof Natasha McElhone and ruthless bastard Jonathan Pryce.

Let's not forget to praise a young Sean Bean as a jittery merc claiming to be an ex-S.A.S. operative. His nervous, laddish cry of, "Bit of raspberry jam back there!" when referring to the gunfight he's just escaped from , has now entered in legend and must be repeated in a Newcastle accent anytime Bean appears on screen in any medium.
Classic.

The Evil Resident Vs Pissed Off Latino Bird

It's hard to believe the Resident Evil film franchise has only been going 9 years now, but it was only 2002 when Paul W.S. Anderson unleashed his version of the popular video game upon an unsuspecting world. Anderson was wise to hire the kick-ass Milla Jovovich as lead mutant zombie killer Alice (and even wiser to marry the sexy minx) and the supporting ensemble are not your usual bunch of forgettable zombie fodder. You've got your James 'Solomon Kane' Purefoy, your Colin ' I wanna be the first black James Bond' Salmon and in a stunning piece of surprise casting Michelle Rodriguez as feisty, pissed off Latino bird.

Take a simple premise, add zombies, guns, martial arts, CGI mutants and lots of slow motion shots of things and people doing cool shit and you have a solid bullshit action movie. The score has lots of guitars in it, there's tons of computer graphics to provide exposition and Milla is eye candy for the boys. Considering it's shot by the same guy who directed Event Horizon, the film has a disappointingly cheap look to it, but other than that the film does exactly what it says on the tin.