Abduct My Brain. Plleeeaaaase!!!

There are many downsides to the success of the Twilight movies. One of the biggest is the fact many of these dreary actors get other acting jobs in other big budget studio fare....and that means that sooner or later some dumb studio exec is going to offer Taylor "Team Jacob" Lautner a job. Well the inevitable has happened and the smiley plank has got himself a leading man gig in Abduction.

There's two types of people who got involved in Abduction. There's the A-List talent like cinematographer Peter Menzies Jnr, composer Edward Shearmur and director John Singleton who can't really be bothered to put any creative effort into this dead end star vehicle. You can lump the majority of the cast into the same category with Jason Isaacs, Maria Bello, Alfred Molina, Michael Nyqvist and Sigourney Weaver all phoning in half arsed performances.

Then there's the young cast of teens who aren't really up to carrying an action blockbuster. Denzel Whitaker demonstrates a blankness as Lautner's best friend that really shouldn't be allowed anywhere around a movie camera, Lily Collins, despite being the cutest new girl on the plot for years, in unremarkable as the hero's girl while Lautner himself is epically wooden easily trumping Channing Tatum's staggeringly dead-eyed GI Joe starring role.

The Bourne Identity inspired chase plot is solid if predictable, but is undermined by it becoming an exercise in teen-spy wish fulfillment. Plus it's not helped by Launter's character being a cocky, moody, high school jock type who garner no sympathy in the early stages of the film. With a better teen leading man this might of worked but, as it stands, it's a average actioner with a terrifying black hole of talentlessness at its centre.

Wishing Animated Tin Tin Was More Animated

Why isn't The Adventures Of Tin Tin - Secret Of The Unicorn one of the very best films of 2011? It has director Spielberg on top, inventive form fueled by the creativity that comes from James Cameron's Avatar animation process. It has a relentless, intricately plotted adventure from Stephen Moffat, the best writer classic British science fiction show Doctor Who has ever seen. Added to his wit in the script department you've got the humour and offbeat imagination of Joe (Attack The Block) Cornish and Edgar (Scott Pilgrim) Wright, two of the most unique genre writer/directors in modern cinema. And to top it off it's co-produced by Lord Of The Rings visionary Peter Jackson.

Well, to be honest, there isn't that much wrong with Tin Tin apart from Tin Tin himself. There's a certain lack of depth and a lack of emotion that comes from a lead character that's hard to identify with. That lack of connection with the fact that the lead character, who's in practically every scene is a squeaky clean, earnest, one dimensional goody two shoes. He has no character arc, or no interesting character of which to speak...he's just a persistent voice of curiosity with which to propel the plot. And no matter how strong the plot, the locations, the animation, the action or the supporting characters...you just can't get over the fact that Tin Tin himself is a bit dull.

It's brilliant to see Spielberg freed of the constraints of the physical universe with his new digital camera. He rarely abuses it's abilities, keeping its movements in line with what's possible with a real camera in the real world (mostly). But it does allow him the luxury of not editing a shot, but instead smoothly recomposing the action by swiftly gliding his digital camera to the next important story detail.
The script if full of great gags and rockets from one piece of exposition to the next without ever becoming dull or over complicated. The action set pieces benefit from Spielberg's new found freedom, especially in one ludicrous chase scene through a crowded African town with the camera weaving and ducking around, through and over houses, river rapids and military vehicles.

Best of all is Andy Serkis as Captain Haddock. It's the Captain that gets to be flawed and needs redemption. It's him that has the emotional connection to the plot. And it's him that has the amusing, sarcastic and unexpectedly entertaining characteristics that make an adventure movie worth watching. He's funny, tragic, fascinating and damned likable and if Tin Tin had been made the annoying, eager sidekick instead with Haddock as the lead, a better story might have emerged.

To end I'd like to moan about John William's score. Spielberg's musical collaborator for nearly 40 years now and Williams has clearly run out of steam. There's no doubt is wonderful to hear a traditionally orchestrated score in this era of electronics and Hans Zimmer clones, but Williams can't compose a coherent melody anymore...a feat made all the more tragic as he was once the king of movie melodies. Once the composer of great themes like Raiders, Star Wars, Jaws, Jurassic Park and Harry Potter, he now poops out forgettable noise like War Of The Worlds, Minority Report, The Terminal and Munich. It's all frenzied, relentless bluster with no melody to get hooked on and when a theme does emerge it's a pale shadow of past works like Catch Me If You Can, Raiders and Last Crusade. Still, he's still got Spielberg's upcoming War Horse to redeem himself but I wouldn't get your hopes up.

The Lincoln Lawyer Meets The Comeback Kid

Ever since I saw him in courtroom drama A Time To Kill, I immediately thought Matthew McConaughey was a genuine, 100% movie star. For better or for worse the guy has that Tom Cruise thing going on; the grin, the charm, the cockiness along with a certain measure of intelligence. And even though he's received a lot of stick over the years for his awfulness (thanks Family Guy) due to his popularity in humdrum romcoms, he's always been immensely watchable. His latest, The Lincoln Lawyer is the first legitimately strong work McConaughey has starred in for years. Another court room thriller, it pits the Shirtless One (as a sleazy, morally dubious defence lawyer) against a client that's out to beat the justice system.

It's a great character piece for all involved...and all involved are excellent from Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillipe, William H Macy, Michael Pena, Josh Lucas, Bob Gunton, John Leguizamo and Bryan Cranston. The script is lean, gritty and tight as a tiger, the courtroom brinkmanship taut and exciting and it's a pleasure watching a movie star at the top of his charismatic game in material that can showcase his talent once again.

Once the central twist is revealed relatively early on the question isn't whether Matt is going to win or lose the case (we kind of want him to do both) but how he's going to navigate himself out of the deep moral quandary he finds himself in. A great drama and thriller and a welcome return to a genre that died out with the Grisham thrillers of the nineties.

Dominus Eagleus Averagus

There's the short version of my review for The Eagle and there's the long version.

First, the long version. The Eagle is based on the stories and myths that surround The Ninth Legion, a battalion of Roman soldiers who marched North of Hadrian's Wall during Rome's occupation of Britain, who were never seen or heard from again. After getting to see the accomplished son (Channing Tatum) of that lost unit in action some years later, the story then follows him and his slave (Jamie Bell) as they try and retrieve the Ninth Legion's emblem from a remote Scots village deep in enemy territory.

It's a well made, expensive, thoughtful and weighty drama about the prejudices (both positive and negative) countrymen have about their own states, as well as other countries as well as how they define honour as individuals. Surprisingly, Channing Tatum doesn't embarrass himself in the role of military leader and highly driven soldier, but that's by no means a compliment. There's still nothing going on behind the eyes and you can't help but think a more shilled thespian would be riveting in the part. Bell is just fine as his partner in battle but, oddly, it's Mark Strong who's the weakest here in a role he very nearly fumbles. The action is well staged, the direction has a contemporary feel and it's a relief that the beautiful landscapes are brought to life with little or no CGI trickery. But it's a film with a slender plot and slim characterisation despite the worthiness of the telling.

The short version of the review is this; watch Neil Marshall's Centurian instead. Michael Fassbender kicks Tatum's arse from here to Pluto!

Tourist (Not So) Hot Spot

It seems like a good idea on paper. Take the biggest male and female box office draws in the world (Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie) and put them in a highly popular genre (spy thriller), chuck in a touch of romance and have your stars play to type.
Your movie can't possibly fail can it? Well if it's The Tourist, then yes, you can right royally fuck it up.

It's an intriguing premise as the CIA stalk, track and trace the slinky Ms Jolie in order to find plot macguffin, arch criminal and thief Alexander Pearce. In order to throw the rozzers off the trail Jolie is instructed to by Pearce to find someone that looks like him and get the police to follow him instead, causing the necessary distraction for her to slip away. It's you classic case of Hitchcockian mistaken identity as Depp is chased by bad guys and good guys much to his bewilderment.

The Tourist is certainly a classy film with gorgeous locations, ravishing, lush, old fashioned photography, a melodramatic score and leisurely, romantic pacing. Depp does a toned down version of his resourceful, slightly effeminate, coward routine while Jolie vamps it up to the max as a sultry seductress, complete with poss totty English accent and blinding Scarlett lipstick. It's not a stretch for either of them. Paul Bettany sleepwalks as the intelligence agent tracking them, Timothy Dalton and Rufus Sewell turn up for some brief cameos, and Steven Berkoff is brilliantly subtle but menacing as the bad guy.

But it's written with all the subtlty of a third rate Mills & Boon novel. Corny, cringe worthy with character decisions that are completely nonsensical and a central mystery that's obvious from the start. All the pieces are present and correct for a strong movie but it's built on a foundation of irredeemable corny shite.

Conan The Cheap Imitation

This years remake of Conan The Barbarian can be compared with last years remake of The A-Team; when you're watching them you can't help but want to watch the original instead. Sure, both movies are solid productions with decent casts, impressive visual effects, big action sequences and a flashy, modern updated look....but they're nothing compare with the films (ot TV shows) that preceded them.

Jason Mamoa is OK as the lead character; he's certainly got the build, the likability, the physicality and the presence to play a character of Conan's stature...but he's no Schwarznegger. On ever conceivable level his performance, solid though it is, can't match that of Arnie's. Momoa doesn't have that icon Frank Franzetta physic, the Schwarznegger charm and charisma, the distinctive voice or even the range (Arnie can play the fool comically as well as do the invincibility convincingly). The same for everybody else...Stephen Lang, Rose McGowen and Rachel Nichols just don't measure up to James Earl Jones, Sarah Douglas or Sandahl Bergmen in the original films. The production is too CGI heavy to be truly impressive, the set designs uninspired and gloomy and the score forgettable.

But at least it's brutal and that counts for something. Just like the A-Team movie Conan The Barbarian 2011 is worth checking out on a popcorn and beer night with the lads, but just have the original close at hand to watch afterwards.

65 Million Years In The Making

Following the release of the spectacular (and under-rated) Indiana Jones and the Temple Of Doom in 1984, master director Steven Spielberg entered the wilderness years of his career. With movies like The Color Purple, Empire Of The Sun and Always he attempted to deliver stories with more depth and more worth but could never reconcile his more sentimental impulses. Then, when he returned to blockbuster film making, he couldn't judge the appropriate tone of the piece; Last Crusade lacks balls and Hook lacks somebodies foot on the break pedal of excess.

Then in 1993 he returned to form with Jurassic Park, an adaptation of Michael Crichton's classic novel about dinosaurs resurrected by the science of cloning.
It's not just the brilliant high concept that makes this exceptional adventure movie work, nor is it the splendid return of Sir Richard Attenborough to acting after 14 years. It's not even the ground-breaking special effects which, for better or for worse, finally allowed Hollywood to convincingly create any thing they could conceive of on the silver screen. No, it's the fact that Spielberg finally got the tone right by pitching it as a thriller; not a Bondian romp like Last Crusade, not a children's fantasy like Hook but a full on, severed limbs, jump scares, don't trip up or the pointy teethed monster will chew your face off thriller. Jaws on land, if you will.

It's not as perfect as critics might have you think. The casting is a mixed bag with Sam Neill (an actor I Admire) being far too low key for the lead in an effects blockbuster, Laura Dern ditto and Bob Peck...thoroughly entertaining though he is...seems to be auditioning for a Roger Corman flick with his eye bulging grimacing.
Dean Cundy's photography is a little too bright, colourful and Hollywood to be entirely appropriate for the horror-thriller that this is and Spielberg can't quite shake off the need to include some twee family bonding moments.

Apart from that it's all gravy. John William's score is exemplary, Crichton's subtext is thought provoking, Koepp's script is admirably lean, Jeff Goldblum steals the show in the acting department and Spielberg's direction goes to show why he's one of the best the world has ever seen ever. Iconic shots litter the film and the set-pieces dominate modern cinema like a stampeding brontosaurus. In particular, the T-Rex attack shows just why Spielberg is a master of constructing action sequences (only Cameron consistently gives him a run for his money) and the arrival scene in which Neill and Dern lay eyes on a dinosaur for the first time is profoundly powerful, moving and awe inspiring.

A brilliant return to form by Spielberg which, even 18 years later, he's still maintaining.