I Came. I Saw. It Kicked My Ass!

The above headline is perhaps the least imaginative to be written by a self confessed movie geek about a motion picture entitled Kick Ass...but it just so happens to be the god damned truth. Expectations were high given the pedigree of Kick Ass comic creator Mark Millar and of the writer/director teaming of Jane Goldman and Matthew Vaughn (both behind the acclaimed Stardust). The eight issue comic, upon which the film was based and written in parallel, had something of a controversial reputation, as well showing how superheroes might exist if everyday normal citizens put on colourful costumes and fought crime. Since Vaughn and company were financing this beast outside of the studio system, Kick Ass had the potential to be something different ...and quite special.

And it is. This really is proof that if you have talent and the balls to finance and distribute something daring and unique, there are great rewards to be had. The biggest factor in it's success is the script. It's simply a great story. And by that I mean the various characters all have interesting personalities, whether they're good, bad or somewhere in between, and they all have character arcs which develop as the film progresses. Even Kick Ass's geek mates, who have limited screen time, are well written enough to stand out as individuals to care about. That means, as with all truly great movies, you can remove all the razzle dazzle, spectacle and special effects and you'd still have a damned fine film.

The controversial elements just add to the enjoyment level. The violence is extreme, but all presented in an over-the-top, heightened reality, so it never become disturbing. Think Tarantino in Kill Bill mode....crazy and thrilling, but grounded enough by the characters so that we care about their eventual fates. Aaron Johnson is fine in the lead, but he's not the most memorable character in the film, as he's needed to be the everyman who guides the audience through this bizarre world.
As expected it's Nicholas Cage and Chloe Moretz as Big Daddy and his 11 year old protegee Hit Girl that entertain the most. Cage, as Damon Macready, is all goofy doting father outside of the costume and takes on a side-splitting Adam West persona as the Batman inspired superhero he becomes. Moretz, continuing to display the freakish maturity she had in 500 Days Of Summer, is perfect as little Mindy Macready; all cute and innocent to look at, but a mature-beyond-her-years, fearless, foul-mouthed killing machine underneath. Another 7 years in age an we wouldn't bat an eyelid, but the sight of a pre-teen girl engaged in profane verbal sparring, fire fights and fisticuffs is brilliant and daring (as expected the Daily Mail shat kittens).

Vaughan directs with confidence, delivering the action with style and allowing the sight gags the editing room to breathe. There's an exemplary choice in music, whether it's the unusual song choices (the punked up Banana Splits song, The Prodigy's Omen or Ennio Morricone's A Few Dollars More theme) or the rare step of having four composers. John Murphy's work stands apart, as he also uses expanded versions of his Sunshine and 28 Days Later scores to haunting effect. Vaughan also uses an interesting colour scheme, muted in the more down-to-earth sequences while more colourful and comicbook-y when dealing with the superhero characters and villains themselves.

It's a film that builds and builds, with the pace, tension and excitement growing as the character's stories begin to entwine. In the mix there's some outstanding moments that stick in the grey matter, including an animated sequence (like in Kill Bill Part 1 and Revolver), a grown man being microwaved and an opening sequence that dares to suggest the world isn't ready for a flying superhero just yet (although Kick Ass himself might disagree in the movie's climax.) Talking of the climax, the only moment that feels uncomfortably edgy is in the inevitable confrontation between super-heroes and super-villains. The hero and sidekick must face off against criminal mastermind and henchman, as is required by the genre. Except here, the hero is Hit Girl (Kick Ass is basically her sidekick)and she has to have a full on scrap with the physically imposing Mark Strong. It's a little weird to see an 11 year old get punched and throttled by a large bloke...but hey, it's a fantasy don't you know.

So get to see Kick Ass if you can. It's always good to see something that pushes the boundaries and which does it in a way that embraces great storytelling too.


PS, I think there's room for this sub-genre of post-modern superheroes to expand and develop on film. Kick Ass explores what would happen if everyday people put on a mask, a costume and a cape to battle crime for themselves. Yet the film has heightened reality, that while supremely entertaining, isn't a 'real life' exploration of the topic. I can feel a hand held camera version on the way sometime in the future.

Alfred Hitchcock's Stop The Pigeon

The first time I watched Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds, many, many years ago...I didn't go a bundle on it. It takes forever to get to any of the brutal, feathered action, and even then it seemed less than thrilling. Over-rated might be the appropriate term. Having seen it again recently, and with me now having a more mature and experienced set of eyes, I can appreciate the film's qualities more.

The Birds is much less about the bird attacks in the quiet coastal town of Bodega Bay, than it is about the relationship between San Francisco socialite Tippy Hedren and mummy dominated lunk Rod Taylor. Birds are used throughout the movie metaphorically to show the effect their relationship has on Taylor's family and fellow townsfolk. As you'd expect from Hitchcock it's directed with precision and it's a confident man who releases a movie with no music score to support the visuals...allowing a superb sound mix to add tension.

While much better than I remember it, The Birds is still nowhere near my favorite Hitchcock movie (that's still a battle between Rear Window and Psycho). But it's still a grand piece of the art we know as film making.

Feather Plucking With Lea Thompson

When Howard The Duck was released nearly 24 years ago, it was regarded as a monumental flop. A turkey. A critical and financial disaster so great that upon it's UK release the title was changed to Howard: A New Breed Of Hero and all sight of the feathered star was removed from the posters. Still, the passage of time has a way of being kind to movies. Take Blade Runner and The Thing; hated upon their original releases and regarded as classics today. Now while I never, ever expected Howard to gain classic status, I did think that Howard may become a cult favorite...something that would be fondly recalled and mentioned amongst fans of blockbuster fantasy films.

Alas not. Most people today have never heard of Howard The Duck The Movie, the obscure Marvel comic book he was based upon, or even if they have, still revile the film to this day.

For better or for worse, I still think it's great fun. It's undoubtedly terribly flawed, but still entertaining despite them. Perhaps the most obvious mistake was to proceed with a Howard adaptation before the technology was there to do it properly. If done today, Howard would undoubtedly be a CGI creation (like Scooby Doo or Garfield). If Executive Producer George Lucas had waited just 2 year, he could have presented Howard as a piece of traditional 2D animation (as in Who Framed Roger Rabbit). But no, they went for a midget in a duck suit. To be fair, the duck costume looks fine and is very expressive...especially combined with the snarky vocal skills of Chip Zien, but it never convinces as anything other than a small chap in a feathered disguise. So when characters, and the general public start reacting to Howard as a freakish, bizarre alien...it feels false and undermines the whole enterprise.

The other big, major flaw of the film is one of tone. It's extremely uneven. On the one side it plays as a kids film with a fluffy, cuddly protagonist, juvenile jokes and performances that are pitched over-the-top with broad, larger-than-life mugging to the camera. On the other hand Howard himself is mature and cynical, reads soft porn, enters the sleazy Earthbound world of rock n roll and has a suggestive sexual relationship with a hot chick. The schizophrenic nature isn't very cohesive. A more deadpan approach, such as Men In Black , might have melded the contradicting elements better.

But there's plenty to like on the film too. Lea Thompson is enthusiastic and sexy, giving the film real energy. Jeffery Jones, wisely playing it straighter than everybody else, delivers one of the all-time great movie villains. Jones's Dark Overlord of the Universe is all silly voice, mischvious simmering, ambitious menace and has the sharpest one-liners of the movie. A young Tim Robbins dumbs it down as Phil, in the sidekick/comic relief role, and does a great job too ("No sex now...I'm working!").

The origin plot is more original, better constructed and faster paced than many lesser superhero movies these days while John Barry provides an epic score, ably assisted by some additional music by Sylvester Levey (frustratingly never released). ILM's effects work is on the tail-end of their 'classic period', being well up to scratch, especially Phil Tippett's design and execution of the Dark Overlord in it's true form (even with the advances in CG made since Jurassic Park, the stop motion here is superior to most stuff today). And while horribly dated, Thomas Dolby songs now come across as cheesy, they're still very catchy.

So if you like your comic book adaptations bizarre AND you can put ypurself in the mindset of an 8 year old, there's something to enjoy in Howard the Duck. If not, you're in for a world of hurt...

Baby Face A Slasher Disgrace

It seems that Dark Castle Productions don't just turn out low budget, lower quality horror movies (Thirteen Ghosts, Ghost Ship, House On Haunted Hill). They also produce micro budget, direct-to-DVD, lowest quality slasher movies like The Hills Run Red. On paper, it should be post-modern and clever. Tad Hilgenbrink's Tyler is obsessed by a notorious slasher movie of the early 80's call The Hills Run Red which was screened once until the print disappeared. Only a trailer remains. So Tyler and his buddies decide to track down the director's daughter, the perky crack-whore Sophie Monk, to find her father and the missing feature film. But it turns out daddy is still shooting his film and Tyler and company are the slasher's (Baby Face) new victims.

Below average as below average does describes this cheapo horror. It's suitably glossy and gory but does nothing to distinguish itself from an ever over-populated sub-genre. In fact the most intriguing thing about the film is model-turned-actress Monk; are the 31 year old's lips now enhanced with plastic or are they her original plump smackers from her youth.

Frankly, who cares.

Spoiler Island

There are so many good things to say about Martin Scorsese's new collaboration with Leonard DiCaprio.; the meticulously constructed script, imposing set design, dramatic 50's style score, beautiful frame composition or the authentic costume design. The cast (only the very best for Mr Scorsese) are superb from the always solid DiCaprio, theatrical Sir Ben Kingsley to the enigmatic Michelle Williams.

Shutter Island follows DiCaprio's US Marshall Teddy Daniels to a remote psychological institute where the worst of the most insane and apparently untreatable of America's mental patients are sent. Teddy's there with his new partner to investigate the disappearance of a female patient. But he also has a more personal, secretive agenda to locate and confront the arsonist who killed his wife.
But, as with all psychological thrillers, all is not what it seems. The 2 hour plus running time rockets along as the twist and turns, conspiracies and secrets are gradually revealed. But...

...And it's a big but...like many movies with a twist (A Perfect Getaway for example) the movie's success is based on a delicate balancing act; make the twist convincing enough for an audience to accept...but also hid the twist as much as possible so audience don't see it coming.

And I saw it coming. I suspected the type of story Shutter Island was telling right from the trailer. And perhaps because of that, I was alert, right from the opening scenes as to where this film may go....looking for clues, visual references that would lay the groundwork for the narrative that lied ahead. After all, you can't just thrust a dramatic change in story direction on an audience (unless you're From Dusk Till Dawn!), you have to incorporate it into the earlier story to taunt the audience that the clues were in front of their faces the entire time. There's a handful of films that have already explored this kind of revelation with great success, and because I was extremely familiar with these works, I was already primed with Shutter's potential story outcome. I won't mention those film titles here, so as not to spoil it for you, but if you don't give a shit then those similar stories are to be found here, here, here and here.

So, like A Perfect Getaway you have here a great movie...but than unfortunately predictable conclusion. I feel like the curmudgeonly film critic in Lady in the Water, using my extensive film knowledge to spoil the end of the movie...but for myself. But if I'd not seen a psychological thriller in my life, or was trashed out of my skull...Shutter Island might have blown me away.

St Patricks Day Of The Dead

It's shocking to think that George A Romero has now completed SIX zombie movies now, although to call them two trilogies would be misleading. Night through to Land form a quadrilogy, while Diary of the Dead, and now Survival of the Dead, are linked via the rogue military unit that were seen briefly in Diary. Survival follows the army guys through an ever desolate, American mainland as they seek refuge from the zombie hordes. They intercept an invitation, on the still functioning Internet, to live on a small island where they discover two warring communities of Irish immigrants; the O'Flynns who believe that killing the undead is the only way forward...and the Muldoons who feel that they should be restrained and spared, in case a cure can be found...or they can be taught to eat animal flesh, rather than that of humans.

As you'd expect it's solidly directed by Romero, with some pleasingly gory effects (flare gun to the head is particularly memorable) and a cool, western vibe this time out. The cast are nothing special but anti-hero Alan Van Sprang stands out in the lead role while Kenneth Welch impresses as the manipulative leader of the O'Flynns. Since half the cast are Irish accented paddys, the movie often has a broader, more farcical tone than the previous instalments, which is also supported by some daft humour (eg, the zombie's comical recation when being handed a stick of dynamite).

At least it being a Romero zombie movie it's not short on subtext or political allegory. Here is presented a situation that could be Northern Ireland, Israel, Iraq or even the USA itself as the inhabitants battle over long forgotten ideologies.
It's this aspect which is the film's strongest as Survival is on a par with Diary...rather than the ground-breaking epics that were Dawn and Day. But George can still trump 95% of the zombie movies out there today and even though I've just seen Survival, here's hoping there's room for one more in his career.

(Beverly Hills) Cop Out

What a shame that Cop Out doesn't quite work. It's a buddy cop thriller in the vein of Bad Boys and Lethal Weapon done in the style of Beverly Hills Cop and Kuffs. So you have the usual mis-matched partners (constantly bickering but love each other), a glimpse into their home lives and a routine crime plot that gets tangled up in their personal lives. Since this kind of movie was at it's peak in the 80's, Cop Out chucks in tons of tunes from that period as well as dragging Harold Faltermeyer (he who wrote Axel F) out of retirement, to create a new, retro score.

It's directed by Kevin Smith (Dogma, Mallrats), who for the first time, ditches one of his own scripts in favor of one by Robb and Mark Cullen. Good though it is (there's some great individual scenes and moments) it's not consistent enough in the entertainment stakes, and you can't help but think that Smith himself would have produced a far sharper rewrite. Tracy Jordan does fine in his movie debut, but he's not as funny here than on TV in 30 Rock, and he often descends into a shouty, rambling mess at times. Willis is on autopilot here (although likable as he's learnt how to smirk again recently) who needed a performance of David Addison standards to vitalise the narrative.

Smith does an adequate job as director and is becoming a glossier, more cinematic helmer with each project he takes on, but Cop Out still lacks energy in the action department. A fun, brisk and enjoyable piece of resurrected nostalgia. But like John Carpenter with Memoirs of an Invisible Man, or Tim Burton with Planet of the Apes, Smith needs to rediscover his voice instead of becoming just another director for hire.

March Madness

Here's a cool trailer for a film I wish existed, but sadly doesn't...



And here's another Twilight spoof...because you can never have enough Twilight piss takes...



Here's the eternal genius the IS Gary Busey...



A 'metaphorical Star Trek movie review...



And here's a link to the Empire wesite where they've had a competition to make a classic movie, at home, with a 60 second duration. The animated Predator spoof, complete with Welsh accents, is inspired... CLICK HERE

The Power Of Christ Compels Captain Howdy

I had to wait until I was 20 years old to see Willian Peter Blatty's The Exorcist as it had been absent from cinemas for 17 years, and unreleased on VHS, due to it being well and truly banned. I was fortunate enough to see The Exorcist in a packed cinema where I was eager to see if the film would live up to it's groundbreaking, scariest film of all time reputation. It did. It's not scary in a jump-out-your-seat kind of way, rather a tense, primal, I-can-imagine-that-freaky-shit-happening-to-me kind of way.

It works so well due to the realism and documentary feel director William Friedkin gives the piece. The camera isn't all over the place as in a Blair Witch or Cloverfield, but it's more in the 'accidently captured moments of real life' like mother Chris MacNeil (Ellen Burstyn) talking about Ponies with her daughter Regan (Linda Blair). The editing, cutting between troubled priest/psychologist Father Karras (Jason Miller) and the MacNeils also lends itself to a documentary vibe. That helps you identify with the characters more, making you feel part of the drama.

This film simply wouldn't get made today, especially as a studio picture, for two reasons (despite it's multiple Oscar wins).
1/ It's too intelligent. The first 15 minutes of the film are spent in Iraq following Max Von Sydow's Father Merrick (doesn't Von Sydow age!?) as he uncovers an archaeological relic representing evil. Then we get to know Father Karras and his relationship with his ailing mother. Both story lines would undoubtedly be truncated if a remake were ever staged, for the benefit of young, attention deficit disorder ridden teens. It's an examination of faith, not necessarily in that of a Catholic God, but in the forces of good and evil in the world. The limits of Religion and Science are called into question by the characters, as they struggle to come to terms with the possession of Regan MacNeil.

2/ There are moments that would never get past a censor these days, especially not a conservative, American one. Words like Fuck and Cunt are hurled around by the 10 year old, as well as the infamous 'masturbating with a crucifix' scene. Add to that green puke, head spinning, violent convulsions, spectral ornament moving and troubling scenes of a child harming adults and having to be restrained...it's very strong stuff.

The visuals are enhanced by some incredibly effective sound design which do as much to convince us that Regan is inhabited by the devil as her rotting make up and icy breath. And of course there's the use of Mike Oldfield's Tubular Bells, which is dispatched to haunting effect throughout the movie. Thought provoking and shocking, it still gets the heart racing. Like Jaws, let's hope a remake never happens.

Here's To Swimmin' With Bow-Legged Women

Jaws just keeps getting better every time I see it. No wonder it's never been remade as there isn't a director on the planet that could top the thrills and intensity of Steven Spielberg's classic. You all know the tale; Small town Police Chief, Roy Scheider, and his family have recently settled in to residence on seaside resort Amity Island when the town is menaced by a great white shark. Chief Brody enlists the help of shark expert Hopper (Richard Dreyfus) and grizzled fisherman Quint (Robert Shaw) to catch the monster.

Here's a few reasons why it's so good:-
1/ John Williams iconic score.
2/ Chrissie's midnight skinny dipping.
3/ Roy Schieder's everyman. It's basically a coming of age tale as the inexperienced family guy leaves home to confront his fears to wage war against a mythical beast and become a real man.
4/ Chrissie's remains...in a tray.
5/ Fingernails on the blackboard.
6/ Richard Dreyfus's Hopper. Rich, dedicated and sarcastic. He's the white collar brains to Quint's blue collar brawn, with Brodey in the middle.
7/ The dolly zoom effect when the Kitner kid is eaten.
8/ "That's some bad hat Harry". So good that Bryan Singer nicked it for his production company's name.
9/ Robert Shaw's Quint...one of the best characters to grace the silver screen. Period.
10/ "Farewell and adieu to you, fair Spanish ladies..."
11/ Little Michael Brody mimicking his dad at dinner.
12/ "Anti-shark cage. You go inside the cage? Cage goes in the water, you go in the water. Shark's in the water. Our shark"
13/ Comparing scars and "show me the way to go home".
14/ "You're gonna need a bigger boat." Best. Line. Ever. Now used to describe any situation where you're completely out of your depth.
15/ "Come on down here and chum some of this shit!"
16/ The growing tension as Quint's fishing line begins to move.
17/ Ben Gardiner's head popping out of that hole in the boat. Pants. Meet Shit.
18/ "That's a twenty footer". "Twenty-five. Three tons of him." The first shark attack on the Orca is still one of the most exhilarating action sequences commited to celluloid. "Hook up another barrel. I'M COMIN' AROUND AGAIN!"
19/ The USS Indianapolis speech. Chilling.
20/ Cutting open the tiger shark and finding the Louisiana licence plate.
21/ The shark cage.
22/ The vandalised Amity billboard. "Those proportions are correct..."
23/ Quint gets eaten.
24/ "Smile, you son of a bitch!" Kaboom!

It's a movie of two halves. The first reveals the danger within the first few minutes and then proceeds to present a bigger danger; the Amity bureaucracy..as embodied by Major Larry Vaughn. Combined with an audience hoping the shark has gone away combined with Brody's thwarted attempts to close the beaches and catch the fish makes for tense viewing.
When Brody does get authorisation to hunt down the monster it's a flat out roller coaster aboard Quint's vessel, Orca, as the three heroes rally from one crunching encounter to the next.

Spielberg at the very peak of his abilities and a film which is every bit as exciting and involving as it was 35 years ago.

Big Apple Gets Bit By Big Bastard

The sub-genre of hand held camera thrillers is an odd beast. Every single one I've seen in a cinema has been met with truly divisive reactions from fellow audience members, whether it be Diary of the Dead, Blair Witch or Paranormal Activity. That can also be said of Cloverfield, a reworking of the giant monster movie (like Godzilla and King Kong before it) with an epic creature causing death and destruction in a friendly neighbourhood metropolis. As I left the movie theatre, the people behind me boldly state "Well, that was shit". The thing is though, it's clearly not. In fact it's quite brilliant.

The complete lack of score combined with the hand held camera technique puts the viewer right in the heart of the action. The hand held stuff is pretty daring for a mainstream movie as, unlike Paranormal Activity, the cameraman is running about all over the place. That means the camera is often looking down at the ground, at someones hand, into the sky or lying on the ground. It's a quite 'art' approach to telling a narrative story but we buy it because we've all held a video camera. So gestures and posture do as much to communicate character as the actors expressions. Of course the erratic camera also helps hide some concealed editing, some gore, or even the monster itself...keeping the movie within it's rating and budget.

Despite the lanky beast that is destroying Manhattan, Cloverfield is basically a love story. Director Matt Reeves presents his so-called 'found footage' as having been recorded over a trip to the beach between leads Mike Vogel and Odette Yustman, a month earlier. The clips of the trip keep reappearing every time camera operator, Hud, turn the camcorder on and off...reinforcing the close connection the two characters have and helps you understand Vogel's need to rescue her, once the mayhem kicks off. The fifteen minutes of party drama helps establish relationships in an engaging way, and is so successful, you're taken aback when the party folk are forced to stop gossiping and run for their lives.

If the gigantic monster and perilous rescue mission weren't enough to keep you gripping your seat then Reeves chucks in some smaller creatures for the cast to flea from in the dark and some venom which causes you to explode. Cloverfield is relentless right up to it's bleak conclusion...that pissed off so many of my many fellow theatre goers. But those dumb asses obviously missed the point of the Coney Island footage in Cloverfield's final moments, where we see Vogel and Yustman in love, perhaps suggesting eternal happiness for the pair whose deaths we don't witness. Well, to hell with them because it really is a modern masterpiece.

Elvis Isn't Dead. He Just Went Home.

Usually, if a movie's less than 90 minutes, it's an animated feature, a dumb comedy or an even stupider action movie. No one really expects to get a quality live action experience from a blockbuster running eighty something minutes as it's probably had the living crap edited out of it following a disastrous test screening (The Avengers / Judge Dredd / Superman 4).

But Barry Sonnenfeld's Men In Black seems completely oblivious to this convention and produces a comedy classic in under an hour and a half. In the short running time we get characters we give a damn about, a grand tour of a new science fiction universe and a loony the-end-is-nigh, world in peril storyline. There are two great masterstrokes here:-

1/ The casting of Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith as partners is inspired. Surprisingly, it's not the wisecracking Smith that gets the most guffaws, but the perfectly timed, straight man responses from Jones.

2/ The performances are aided by Sonnenfeld's delicate balancing of tone. It's played dead straight, almost like a serious cop thriller. The actors might be dealing with bizarre situations, but emotionally it feel convincing and genuine, never allowing Smith, Jones, Rip Torn and the quirky and cute Linda Fiorentino to get too broad and burst the fragile bubble. On the other end of the scale the director gives us a wacky, cheesy B-movie filled with outrageous 60's inspired sets, icky monsters and Danny Elfman's schlocky, OTT score.

Rick Baker and ILM's effects fuse seamlessly and the perfectly formed script rockets along. It's not a laugh a minute, but the jokes are expertly staged and beautifully timed meaning they're real corkers when they do arrive. I especially like the running gag with Smith not wanting a nickname...and then being called everything under the sun for the rest of the film (kid, tiger, sport, etc). A pity they couldn't think up an original idea for the sequel...including any decent jokes. A shame, as this original deserved its hit status.

Oscar Results 2010

Of the 19 predicted results for the 82nd Academy Awards, or Oscars, I only got 14 correct this year. Must do better next year.

The ceremony wasn't one of the most entertaining with hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin making an awkward duo at times. Stand out moments include the Animation Feature nominations, as presented by each film's main characters, the Paranormal Activity skit and the Tina Fey/Robert Downey Jnr presentation of best screenplay demonstrating that superior writing and comic acting is what great laughs are made of.

Alice, What's The Matter?

Alice In Wonderland is similar to Avatar in many ways. It's directed by a visionary genius, it's another 3D extravaganza that's largely animated showcasing a spellbinding and elaborately realized fantasy world. There's also the usual mythological narrative of an 'chosen' outsider intervening in the well fair of an oppressed world. Which means its rich, intricate universe and ageless story is food for the eyeballs.

But Alice unfortunately shares some flaws with Cameron's blockbuster; a script that could be improved upon and a lead actor that, while adequate, didn't have to spend all of their onscreen time concentrating on an unfamiliar accent. Alice in Wonderland rambles somewhat, a trait that used to be present in Burton films of old, but has crept back in there with Alice. It's almost like many scenes were improvised, especially those involving the Mad Hatter, and they go on a bit too long with little focus or proper gags. The fact that this version of Alice In Wonderland isn't a direct adaptation of C.S Carroll's classic book, or it's follow up, Through The Looking Glass, but a combination of both re-imagined into a sequel story of sorts, doesn't bother me at all. I'm not familiar enough with the books, or the previous movie adaptations, to be prejudiced for or against this approach, except to say it reminds me of Spielberg's Hook, which is similarly structured. Mia Wasikowska isn't strong enough to convince of her journey from timid, daydreaming socialite to warrior, independent woman and business partner. Her Alice is supposed to unassuming and introverted but, like poor Sam Worthington, doesn't seem to be able to express or internalise the emotion required to a satisfying level.

Still, like Avatar, it's not enough to dampen a fun experience. The supporting cast are on top form, notably Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen (channelling Blackadder's Queenie), Paul Whitehouse as the March Hare (bonkers beyond words) and, of course, Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. The Hatter is initially presented with a reserved, softly spoken English accent but is soon replaced by a rougher Scot's accent. I first thought I'd misheard Depp, but it turns out the actor uses both accents due to the Hatter being, well, mad!

The effects are top notch while Danny Elfman's score, his 14th collaborating with Burton, is his best since the early 2000's. The man seems to have dropped his distinctive orchestrations of late, and turned into another bland Hans Zimmer clone (Terminator Salvation, Hellboy II, Wanted) but here he produces an old fashioned score with no electronics, making it one of the best in his portfolio, and which raises the entertainment level several notches.

So, like Avatar, not the director's masterpiece but frustratingly the elements were here to achieve it. A sharper script and a better actress might have pulled this into classic status. However, as it stands, this is still one of the most entertaining and beautiful looking films you'll see this year.

The Descent In To Deja Vu: Part Deux

And I so wanted The Descent: Part 2 to be great. Neil Marshall's original is one of the best horror movies of the last decade, it being a nerve shredding roller coaster driven by the six chicks with picks. But the sequel is blighted by sequelitus...a condition that means too much effort has been put into replicating the beats of the origin movie instead of inventing new, three-dimensional characters, situations, locations or mythology for the audience to explore (Jaws 2 and Ghostbusters II spring to mind).

The Descent's follow up has well staged set-pieces, cool, gory effects, a lush cinematic look and a solid cast. But it's disappointingly under-written with barely a fresh idea in it's body. Only the final 90 seconds provide a new avenue to explore but it's way too late by that time to save the film. Since the sequel handily ignores the first movie's UK resolution (it following on directly from the more upbeat American finale) I can quite comfortably ignore this film. The Descent 2 is the Highlander 2 of this franchise...except that I would recommend this as a passable way to pass your time on a beer fueled Friday night moviethon.

Put The Wolf To Sleep (Before It Does It To You)

Why do I watch shit films? Well, I like to have an opinion. An opinion based on solid research and actual experience rather than word-of-mouth, gossip and here-say. If there's one thing I can't stand it's a movie being ripped apart by people who haven't seen it. If everybody else hates it then it MUST be true! So when Twilight was released I was compelled to form such an opinion. And when that opinion was negative I was compelled to re-evaluate the franchise in it's sequel, Twilight: New Moon.

And the word on the street is... Lycanthrpic-shite. Yep, complete wolf shit. As boring, slow, uninvolving and tedious as the first movie...just worse so. It takes half the movie just to reveal Taylor Lautner's a werewolf (something even the uninitiated had worked out in the first film). While stars Pattinson and Stewart are pretty good actors with strong screen presence, the baby faced Lautner is an amateur, 90210 mannequin who's only purpose is to provide some upper body dudeity for the 13 year old girlies in the audience (yes, I know it's not aimed at me). Oscar nominee Anna Kendrick is wasted, as are Dakota Fanning and Michael Sheen.

It's basically a tragic love story in the vein of Romeo and Juliet (clumsily fore-shadowed) but a terribly mishandled version of that classic tale. Here, Bella is presented as a selfish bitch with little in the way of redemptive qualities. She shits over her friends, father, new boyfriend...pretty much any body in her life including herself. Bella's repeated attempts to kill herself (in a manipulative, plea for help kind of way) make you wish she'd succeed at some point. But alas we have to keep punching ourselves in the nuts to stay awake for it's overdue and predictable conclusion. Horrible.

Percy Jackson And The Clash Of The Fox Executives

With Twentieth Century Fox films rarely being allowed to excel by that company's executives, Percy Jackson and the Lightning thief had only two options when it came to it's artistic success. Safe, bland and solid (Night at the Museum 2 / Hit Man). Or, safe, bland and a complete, apocalyptic disaster (Wolverine / Max Payne). Fortunately for Fox, it's the best we could hope for as Percy is a derivative teenage fantasy adventure with adequate production values and decent special effects.

It's obviously trading on the Harry Potter brand but market researchers have aged their heroes to tweens to get a more desirable class of demographic in cinemas. This is brisk, popcorn fluff with a cool Greek mythological bent (kind of a contemporary Clash of the Titan's quest for the high school crowd). But as you'd entirely predict it never raises above the average in any aspect of it's execution. Cast, direction, photography, score, script, production design and effects are up to scratch and all involved can sleep well at night. The only person of note is an especially sexy and alluring Rosario Dawson, but that's about it. You can watch this quite safely in the knowledge that on exiting the movie theatre, you won't want to harm the production team, yourself or others due to celluloid induced misery. But don't expect to go to work the next day and rave to your mates.

Lovin' Liz Lemon (And The Fat Baldwin Too)

30 Rock is an American sitcom I've been meaning to check out for quite a while. Star, Tina Fey, impressions of Republican dumbass Sarah Palin have become legendary, the series has picked up loads of awards over the last few years, and it's drawn acclaim for star Alec Balwin, whose career it has revived. But with Kevin Smith's Cop Out fast approaching, i'd thought I'd check it out to evaluate the work of an actor that both the series and the film share; Tracy Morgan.

30 Rock is one of the best US sitcoms I've seen in a long time (especially a live action one). It's a workplace comedy set in the building of 30 Rockafeller Plaza (hence the title), specifically in the NBC studio that produces the weekly, fictional sketch show "TGS With Tracy Jordan". It's written and created by Fey and I'm completely addicted. I figured I'd watch a couple of episodes and now, unable to drag myself away, I've just started watching the third season. With no laughter track to cheapen the humour, the show has to succeed on it's script and performances. The tone falls somewhere between the hyper-reality of Ally McBeal and Family Guy, with curious flashbacks and the odd musical sequence puntuating the lunacy. That's not to say it's a broad pantomime, because it's played straight (well, mostly) and smart (social and political satire has a way of creeping into the plots).

Fey is pure genius. Her Liz Lemon, the head writer and showrunner, is an inspired mishmash of food addicted, man troubled, weak management skilled optimist and Fey isn't afraid to make a fool of herself for a laugh. She's a subtle actress with a true gift for comic timing. Baldwin goes for broke too, as the network head, both playing up to his powerful persona and taking the mick too, to raise a guffaw. Morgan plays a Martin Lawrence kind of guy (a failed movie star with a huge ego) but is much more likable than that twat while the rest of the ensemble become endrearing very fast.

After the failure of Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip a few years ago, it's great that another show with the same premise has become a success. Only problem is, when I run out of episodes I'm gonna have to wait on a weekly basis for a new fix.