Oh dear. Shark Night 3D is strong a contender for worst film of the year. It’s an exploitation film without any exploitation, a horror movie without any horror, a thriller without any thrills. There are even moments, in the early section of the film, where it has the tone of a teen college comedy like Road Trip, but there’s no comedy either.
This sticks close to the horror formula that Tucker & Dale Vs Evil parodied so very well recently with a bunch of obnoxious teens going to a remote cabin/house for a weekend break only to be menaced by monsters and rednecks. The teens are either thoroughly unlikable (the bimbo, the jock, the nerd, etc) or thoroughly bland (Sara Paxton from TV’s Clueless) and it’s difficult to care about the fate of anyone in this cussfest. The dialogue is cheesy, lacking in any wit or originality while the story a kind of variation on the superior Lake Placid is mundane. The characters constantly do stupid things that make no sense whatsoever just to create contrived action sequences as do the poorly rendered CG sharks. There’s no gore, no boobage (at least not on the Kelly Brook in Piranha kind of way) no jokes, no good music, no interesting characters, no memorable kills. It’s just a functionally directed, safe, no risk enterprise that fails to deliver…except for one inspired shot. Taking it’s cue from the much better (yeah, you heard me right) Megashark vs Giant Octopus there’s a glorious, beautifully composed, slow motion kill that would make a great desktop wallpaper for a die hard horror fan. But don’t expect any more from Shark Night, ‘cause that’s all you’re getting.
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