What 3D Was Invented For

Piranha 3D, as much as I wanted it to be, is not a great film. It looks great, is directed with flair by French horror genius Alexandre Aja, and has as much frenzied action and gore as you could desire from a killer fish movie. But, despite the flashy 3D and first rate production values, it's not all that. The script is cliched, lacking any spark of originality or the snarky black humour of Joe Dante's fun original.

But then you realise...

If you stop viewing this remake as a film and start looking at it as a exploitation movie, it works great. Half the cast are either weak actors or mad character actors playing over-the-top versions of roles they've played in the past. There's cheesy pop/rock tracks, corny dialogue, an abundance of boobs (let's not be drawn into saying 'over abundance', if such a thing were indeed possible) and violent bloody deaths caused by mischievous killer fish or by gutless, immoral party goers.
It's not meant to be great. Even the 3D conversion isn't that great. It is what it is; tits 'n' gore. And if you view it like that it's GREAT entertainment.

And here's a few reasons why;-
1/ Jerry O'Connell's piranha chewed, swallowed, spat out again penis.
2/ Show me the way to go home; the Richard Dreyfuss cameo.
3/ Eli Roth's head.
4/ Wire slice-age.
5/ Kelly Brook. The camera loves her (she's what 3D was invented for) but she can't
act, poor dear.
6/ Naked underwater ballet. WTF!
7/ Great Scott! Christopher Lloyd's cameo.
8/ The jumpy, pre-tile Dreyfuss hand, thrust from the lake. Pants meet poo.
9/ Famous last words, "Wet t-shirt!"
10/ Is this the goriest film I've seen this decade?
11/ Oh I didn't realise Dina Meyer's in this! Chomp. OK, maybe not now...
12/ Hair in propeller = Face. Off.
13/ Jessica Szohr. Cute.