Worst Films of 2008

Couldn't let the year pass without passing note on a couple of abominations (in no particular order).

Not sure how to include The Happening in this list. I had a strongly mixed reaction to it when I saw it theatrically; the "attack" sequences are supurb and the general story and structure are sound. But the script and direction is oddly limp for Shyamalan. But the real achilles heal are the performances from Zooey Deshenal and Marky Mark Whalberg. He not just shit but earth shatteringly, amature child actor who's never had a lesson in his life bad. It's not a good film at all, but diserving of the crap on this list...update to come

National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets. Bigger and faster than its predecesor...yet just as dull. You used to be able to rely on Bruckheimer for a good script; these days no-chance. Even Cage's Wicker Man remake was better than this!

Max Payne. Not as embarassing as he was in The Happening, Whalberg still coasts in this stillborn videogame adaptation. When you see a collaboration between the director of The Omen remake, Fox Studios and the Whalberg you know youre in trouble. But who could have predicted trouble would be this dull.

AVP-R. Technically a groovy movie. It looks and sounds sweet; mint FX, gorgeous photography and passable action. But an abysmal script and "the worst cast in history" bring this down. I can't remember caring less about an ensemble cast ever. And I could make a living in watching action-horror like this. Truely dire.

Finally. Much has been said about the talentlessness of Dr Uwe Boll, but in 2008 I was determined to watch beyond his first 2 movuies to form a stronger, unbiased opinion of the man's work. Mistake me thinks.

Postal = Officially my worst film of all time until something more wretched comes along.

Not even funny in a bad way and I love laughing at unintentionally funny or crap movies.

Think of all the ways you can fuck up the making of a movie, from the foundation up, and you have Postal.

Top 10 Movies of 2008

Since we've arrived at the final day of the year and the chances of me seeing any more movies has dwindled to none...here my Top Ten of the year.

I rate these as the films that have either had a major intellectual or emotional impact on me. Films that have made me think, laugh, cheer or shiver. Movies that have captured my imagination, made me want to watch them again repeatedly, made me want to spread the word about them to others.

Movies omitted from this list are many. This may be because I haven't seen them yet. Or because my tastes differ from yours. Or because I didn't get that extreme emotional or intellectual thrill out of them the way you did. This list will inevitably change over time as months and years of rewatching them takes their toll on opinions. Finally it should be noted these are movies I have seen this year, even though some may have been available internationally in 2007.

1/ The Dark Knight. I knew it was gonna be good, but this good! Ledger IS oscar worthy. The central action sequence is one of the best of the decade. The script serves both the mind and the soul. A downer of an ending that leaves you on a electro-charged high! Rediculously excellent!

2/ The Mist. Darabont weaves his old fashioned movie making magic on another Stephen KIng story and produces gold. The tension builds unrelentingly until THAT ending. Brave, chilling and masterful. The black and white version is even better.

3/ Son Of Rambow. Funniest film of the year. Nostolgic, moving, feel-good and British.

4/ Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Flawed but genius in parts (specifically the first 40 minutes). I thought I'd be pissed off with this but the mighty hand of rewatchability compells me!

5/ Iron Man. Great super-hero movie elevated by the epic casting of Downey Jnr. You can almost hear the other studios muttering 20 years worth of...why didn't we do that! Fast, fun script with some consise action sequences make this the family blockbuster of the year.

6/ Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. Only Del Toro could make a franchise this barking and still get a studio to finance it. Great actors with great characters = great things. The imaginative plot and effects are just icing on the cake.

7/ WALL-E. Surprisingly hard core science fiction with all the layers of subtext that go with it. But with PIXAR at the helm you get a character focused adventure and a studio picure brave enough to have 40 minutes of dialogue free screen time. Eat shit Dreamworks.

8/ In Bruges. Ahh, Colin Farrell and midgets. Frequent swearing, black humour and a dab of violence. Grand.

9/ Slumdog Millionaire. Put inventiveness and capraesque into the blender that is Danny Boyles extreme talent. Result; feelgood hit of the year.

10/ No Country for Old Men. Like Slumdog, its a film about fate, but from a completely different perspective. Atmospheric, precise, and captivating.

Nearly making the top 10 were Religulous, Cloverfield, Frost/Nixon and Midnight Meat Train.

Special "fun-points2 awarded to Rambo, Speed Racer, Wanted, Doomsday and Quantum of Solace.

Who Wants To Be A Talented Bastard?

In stark contrast to the pristine studio effort that is Frost/Nixon, comes Danny Boyle's low budget Indian shot Slumdog Millionaire.

It shares many of the things that makes Frost/Nixon great. A fantastic adaptation of a true story. Great direction that focuses on character and paces the story exhilaratingly. Wonderful period art direction that evokes a time and place.

Where Slumdog differs is the shear imagination and inventivness on show. The choice of shots, location, camera lens and filters, casting choices; it has a raw kinetic energy that is genuinely unique.

Like Trainspotting, Boyle is able to mix shocking bleakness with roar out load belly laugh humour and still make it a coherant whole.

But the genius here is the movies unrelenting feel-good factor. Its Boyle, so you know it isn't going to feel forced. But the wave of Capraesque goodwill it generates really does have you cheering at the screen come the conclusion. Better than Trainspotting you ask? Probably not...but 100 times more watchable.

"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!!"

I saw 2 films yesterday; both circling critics in a bid to pick up acclaim in the end-of-year awards frenzy. They are very different approaches to film-making and the 'other' movie, Slumdog Millionaire, I will comment upon separately.

Frost/Nixon is the good old dependable studio awards movie. Directed with a solid, old fashioned hand by Ron Howard, adapted by the playwrite from his own play, and staring two heavyweights of modern thesping; Langella and Sheen.

And dependable it has every right to be 'cause its bloody good. Feeling more like a boxing movie than one about an interview, its obvious from the start that TV star David Frost has seriously underestimated his opponent, disgraced President Richard Nixon. Much like a Rocky movie, we know who is gonna win...history has alreay recorded the result. The question is... how is a credibility crumbling near has-been TV presenter going to better the force-of-nature of a man that is Nixon?

Riviting!

Sly. You're The Greatest. Now F#*k off!

Twas announced yesterday that a movie version of "The Greatest Comicbook Character of All Time" is to commence production in 2009.

This is something of a miracle for 2 reasons; the strip is not widely known in the States. Plus the 1995 movie starring Stallone was a magnificent fuck up. Entertaining , yes. Great to look at, of course. But not Dredd by any stretch.

So here's hoping for something that captures the black satire of the comics. And one that respects the character of Dredd. That is, he doesn't hammily posture like a pantomime c*#t. He doesn't take his symbolic/iconic helmet off. But most importantly...he doesn't call any perpetrator "Scumbag".

The All-New Adventures of GORT.

Many were dreading this Fox Studio produced remake of the 50's sci-fi classic of The Day The Earth Stood Still. It was never going to come close to equaling that great picture, but it does a solid job of providing a fast paced, entertaining thriller.

It follows the same basic structure of the original, including key scenes with robot bodyguard GORT ans well as the blackboard scene with a nobel prize winning scientist (this time played by a very good John Cleese).

It differs in 2 ways. First, alien Klatu is much less human in character, providing a much easier individual for the thespially challenged Reeves to play. From a thriller stand-point it aids the film greatly, as you're never quite sure what intergalactic weirdo Keanu is going to do, which creates a decent amount of dramatic tension.

The other is the reason for Keanu's visit to Earth. No longer concerned of Humanity's nuclear threat; instead he seeks to protect the Earth's enviromental fragility from us pesky humans.
While it's a good idea, its not really incorporated into the structure of the movie as it was in the original. When the army attacked Klatuu and his spaceship in the 50's, it only reinforced the violent nature of humanity. When the army does the same thing this time, it does nothing to reinforce the different subtext.

So...like highboard diving into a 1 foot deep pool. Great fun to look at, but don't go diving 'cause there's nothing there.

BEST OF 2008: THE MUSIC

Best Album: Death Magnetic - Metallica

Best Soundtrack: The Dark Knight - Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard

Best Songs : The Day That Never Comes - Metallica

The Glory Of Love - Primal Scream

Morcheeba - Enjoy The Ride

BT - Iron Fisted Mutha

Why does no one make funny sitcoms anymore? What's that...?

The UK used to be awash with amusing situation comedies. From the mainstream like Only Fools and Horses to the alternative like The Young Ones.

Then they all went away and all we got was shit like The Vicar of Dibley and Goodnight Sweetheart. The BBC have seen fit to cancel Top of the Pops and laid Doctor Who to rest for 16 years, but they still haven't saved us from Last of the Summer Wine.

Thanks must be expressed for The IT Crowd from the creator of Father Ted. Well cast and well written, the sillier the situation the funnier the comedy. Looks simple but it isnt. If it's not renewed after its current 3rd seson it will probably be another decade before anything decent comes along.

P.S. Will somebody tell Ade Edmondson to stop writing sitcoms without Rik Mayall. AS part of that doubleact, ade is a comedy God. Without him he is a skinhead Sampson and no one is laughing except Delilah...

Stupid Monkey - The Return of Robot Chicken!!!

I thought it was cancelled. MTV's 10 minute comedy gem was never to return after it's 3rd season ended earlier this year. It was either a poor decision or a crap gag, but that chice has changed an Robot Chicken is back!!!

Much like the UK's Adam & Joe show in the 90's, this uses traditional stop motion animated toys to perform sketches, which frequently riff of of pop culture.

Their two Star Wars Specials are highly recommended, easily funnier than the mighty Family Guy's Star Wars spoof from last year. It does what all good satire should do...subvert the original person/film/event so that it never seems the same again. Their Boba Fett is a perfect combination of Ego and Flamboyance, who now infects the Holy Trilogy with his character.

Season 4 kicks off with self-voiced cameos from Ron Moore, Joss Whedon and Seth McFarelane as well as an insight into the construction of the Aztec traps at the beginning of Raiders.

Genius

Greetings! Do you want to play a game?

Whatever happened to director John Badham, eh? Master of the 80's dumb-but-fun techno thriller, he disappeared in the 90's, buried under the weight of middling action-pap like The Assassin and Drop Zone.

War Games (1983), despite its primitive computer code and phone modem depiction of cutting edge home computing, remains enjoyable, thrilling and tense stuff.

Of course the plot holes are huge; guided public tours around NORAD...leaving a known terror suspect alone in a secure office with computer... Plus it doesn't measure up to the mighty Dr Strangelove or Lumet's Failsafe.

But when naive super-computer Joshua asks Matthew Brodderick, " Do you want to play a game?"... you know thats real shit in your pants...

Tony Scott's Eagle Eye & I'll tell thee why...

The best art, whether it's movies or otherwise, is done by creative folk who do their own thing rather than replicate the work of others.

With Eagle Eye we have something that wants to be a Tony Scott directed, Jerry Bruckheimer produced movie soooo much..... but just can't quite capture the snappy scripting or imaginative helming those colaborations frequently produce (be it Crimson Tide, Enemy Of The State or Deja Vu).

Wannabe inclinations aside, it is a fast, well plotted romp that starts off as a contemporary techno thriller and then drifts into hard sci-fi territory. Where some critics couldn't accept this change of focus that occurs half way through, I simply found it derivative of movies from both the 60's and 80's.

An indifferent fan of Big Stan

The star of Big Stan, rob schneider, clearly had an adjenda. This was...
1/ I want to direct a movie. AND star in it goddamn it!
2/ I want to make a prison movie
3/ I want to make a martial arts movie, where I play Neo (er, the hero, I mean...)

And so it came to pass that the mildly amusing creation came to be. No great...but still lightyears better than the stillborn deviant that is Adam Sandler's Longest Yard.

Holding Out For Heroes

After an impressive first season and a inconsistant second, it was with great relief that Heroes returned to our screens with gory cranial screw-top surgury for its third season.

However I have grown weary of the last few weeks. Much of it seems repetative of previous seasons...which is surprising (as its openly mimiking comic books...things that rarely run out of imagination). But the main reason is it's story, spread between tons of independent characters, is moving too fast. It's like Brett Ratner's X-men 3: The Last Stand...lots of interesting thing happening to characters who seem not to be in the remotest bit effected by events. The speed of events also means the events, deaths, deceptions, changes of alleigences etc have little dramatic impact. One minute bad guy Sylar has turned good...two episodes later he's bad again. One minute hero Peter has aquired Godlike powers, the nexy its taken away from him...and in the process a seasons worth of dramatic possibilities disappears too.

It also been difficult to keep track of who's who and who's doing what due to the number of regulars in play, combined with warp 10 plot speed.

Thank god for episode 8, which allowed some much needed breathing space as well as some backstory clarification. This seems to have been the mid season reset the series needed.
So instead of tuning out, as I have been in danger of doing, I'm back, hoping that the story threads begins to merge and focus as the season progresses.

It must also be noted that the casting of Robert Forster as the big bad is a masterstroke. He was in Delta Force and The Black Hole, don't you know...

Things That Reaaly Grind My Gears: Xmas Tunes

Year after year, around October Time, the cable TV music channels clog up with those much loved(!) Christmas classics. Every store, every elevator and every corporate answer-phone is playying the same bloody tunes. Then, of course, work caves in and they start getting played in the office. No escape; no sanity.

Thank Satan then for this new compilation, "We Wish You A Metal Xmas and a Headbanging New Year". It might be the same old shite, but at least it rocks.

Particularly impressive is the Black Metal version of Silent Night. Now to find some lovely Christian folk to enjoy it with...

The (not probable) return of John Carpenter

Once master director of Halloween and The Thing, John Carpenter, has been content to slip into semi retirement of late, dragging himself away from the televised basket ball to make two TV episodes.

Now he has two films in development. One is "The Prince", a gangster movie

. The other, "Riot" is a prison set Nicholas Cage starrer.

Will he actually make one of these? Has he any remaining talent?

I'd like vto think so. But then, I believe in Santa Claus...

Places Never To Visit Part 1 : France

A bunch of hardened criminals escape to the countryside where they encounter some nutter French Nazis. A bit like Texas Chainsaw...but with French Nazis. And more blood. Nice!

"You're surrounded by armed bastards!"

Harvey Keitel (pictured right) is portraying the character of Gene Hunt in the American version of UK hit "Life on Mars". The original role was played by Phil Glenister.

The kids of today will start thinking that Harvey Keitel is the definitive Gene H....

Oh. Never mind.

Rob Rage Part 2: All New STAR TREK 2009

Next May, the man behind Lost and Alias will bring us a reinvention of the original Star Trek. It will reinterpret the costumes, sets, spaceships and storylines that endeared us (well, the geeky among us) to the 60's series. In doing so, it will recast young contemporary actor in the classic roles of Captain Kirk, Mr Spock, Scotty etc.

And thats cool. It should be fun, epic and looks set to treat the source material with respect.

But.... some kids are gonna think that Chris Pine (pictured second left) will be the proper, definitive interpretation of Captain James T Kirk. They'll think that William Shatner was hammy, corny and unconvincing.

And that ,my friends, is blasphemy!!! It may be true, but still. Blasphemy! Viva La Shat!

Rob Rage Part 1: The All-New Guns N Roses

Well, after 14 years wait, the new Guns N Roses album is finally with us. I understand it's selling pretty well... which I would expect for a brand name that can still sell out stadium gigs worldwide.

Unfortuntely, it's not that great. There's only a handful of great songs on there and the rest are pleasent ditties you can do the washing up to. It's not bad...not at all. But strip away all the production values and you've got tunes you couldn't remember, even if Jack Bauer himself was interogating you!

What's sad though is kids buying this album today will think this is the definitive Guns N Roses (even though Axel Rose is the only remaining original contributor). They'll think that Appetite for Destruction stuff is dated and Daddys Rock. Poor buggers.