It might have taken me over 25 years, but I'm now in a position to confirm that Arnold Schwarzenegger has, not three, but four shit films on his resume; Conan The Destroyer, Batman & Robin, Jingle All The Way, and now, Red Sonja. It's not total crap. There's a decent score by legendary composer Ennio Morricone and the production design, while cheaply realised in places, is pretty impressive too.
But the rest is laughable from the paper thin plot, amateur practical effects, misguided humour, the worst edited action sequences from the 1980's and a bland tone that's neither the ultra-serious posturing of Conan The Barbarian nor the tongue in cheek fannying around of Conan The Destroyer.
The best thing about the film is also the worst thing about it. Arnold Schwarzenegger sure is an iconic movie figure, especially when in his bodybuilding prime and playing off his popular Conan persona. And Brigitte Nielsen as the title character is not only a strikingly attractive woman in her youth, but also an imposing physical foil to Arnie. The thing is neither can act; not a jot at this point in their careers. So when they share a scene together it's like two mannequins in a staring contest...nothing interesting happening here.
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