The Worst Movies Of 2010

Here's my bottom ten for 2010. This year I haven't included several ultra-low budget horror films (Perkins 14, Torment, The Hills Run Red) because, to be honest, I can barely remember anything about them

10/ The Tooth Fairy
Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson goes family friendly once more, but makes the mistake of going over to 'the dark side' with The Tooth Fairy being produced by Twentieth Century Fox. That means a well made production that equals blandness, boredom, zero laughs or any kind of fun in the entertainment stakes.

9/ Skyline
Just like The Brothers Strause previous affront to humanity, AVP:R, Skyline has some wickedly good effects and a glossy contemporary sheen. But once again they forget about an interesting narrative, remotely likable characters or an ending. So near yet so far.

8/ MacGruber
Poor Kristen Wigg battles valiantly as the only person working on this wretched MacGuyver spoof trying to raise a laugh. She's sabotaged by inept, so-called comedian Will Forte and three has-been action stars (Ryan Phillipe, Val Kilmer and Powers Boothe). There's two gags in the whole film that work, which places it higher than other comedies on this worst-of list.

7/ A Nightmare On Elm Street
Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes works it's evil once again by completely arsing up the long awaited remake of Wes Craven's 1984 classic. Boring, murky, forgettable and shock free. When will Platinum Dunes realise their folly and stop making films?

6/ Dinner For Schmucks
The talents of director Jay Roach, Steve Carell and Paul Rudd can't generate any humour out of a premise which should be a blast. Did they take the money and run? Were they replaced by alien imitators? Who cares?

5/ Takers
Any movies starring R&B artists Chris Brown and T.I. as well as lunk heads Hayden Christensen and Paul Walker would be difficult to like, but this crime thriller was plain obnoxious. The R&B of heist films; all attitude, swagger and flash but no substance or soul.

4/ Bangkok Dangerous
If there's one thing you can count on in a bad Nicholas Cage movie it's a great Nicholas Cage performance. Just look at Ghost Rider! But with Bangkok Dangerous Nicky lets everybody down. The directors and screenwriters are asleep at the wheel...and so is Cage. Dull.

While the previous movies on this list are pretty bad, they have many redeemable features that make them feel like missed opportunities that could have been corrected if the circumstances were right. The final three movies on this list have no such redemptive qualities and can be considered hateful works.

3/ Furry Vengeance
Take everything that's awful about talking animal movies...the unbearably cutesy creatures, the childish gags that are too babyish for an embryo to laugh at and the shameless mugging by over-qualified actors that are too good for this crap...and multiply it by ten. Even the animal effects are cheap and ineffectual. If the U.S. want to cut their military spending, all they have to do is ship boxes of Furry Vengeance DVDs out to the Taliban. Game over, man!

2/ Twilight Full Moon
Why did I watch this abysmal film? Because I'm an optimist, that's why. I felt that there was no way that Twilight sequel New Moon could be worse than it's dull predecessor. Dear God was I wrong. Much, much slower in pace...very little happens...and third wheel Taylor Lautner can be content with delivering one of the most wooden, unconvincing performances of the year. Worst still is Kristen Stewart's Bella who qualifies as the most selfish, irritating bitch in modern movie history.
It's like the film has a sticker pinned to it's back saying "Hate Me!"...which I'm more than happy to do.

1/ Dinocroc Vs Supergator
How could Dinocroc not be at number one? The intent of most film productions is to make a great movie, no matter the experience or talent of those involved. Alas, the film makers behind this shoddy Roger Corman production just wanted to go to Hawaii and have a laugh. They evidently succeeded as the joke appears to be on us. What they didn't realise was that exploitation movies can be good, if you try and make them that way. Alas, no one tried, particularly the cast comprising of Corey Landis and chums who either ham their way, or stare vacantly through, the tongue-in-cheek-free narrative. If I lived next door to a psychopath I'd request he kill me before setting eyes on this death wish rolled up as a TV-transmitted poison pill.